The best gift you could ever give to someone is your time because you're giving them something that you will never get back.
-unknown
 |
| Photo Credit: http://kaboompics.com/one_foto/1710 |
Wrapped with the warmest of intentions, the sweetest of thoughts and the most generous of gift-giving items come feelings of guilt, anxiety and fear.
No gift-giver (usually) ever intends it. Yet there it is, following the holidays around like a cloud.
I'd like to argue that the biggest reason for this complication is that for many of us, we fear hurting those whom we love most, so we don't reveal our truths, our needs, placing theirs before ours.
Do I want to hurt my __________'s feelings over an item that they thoughtfully picked out and spent their hard-earned money on?
So we take it. Keep it and let the quiet resentment fester, robbing us of joy during the holidays. Or do we hide it? Out of sight out of mind. Do we re-gift it? Thrift store it? Sell it?
If only we could just be honest.
If only we could be honest and trust that those on the receiving end can respect, as well as support our decisions.
This year, my husband and I talked about how we were going to tackle the "conversation of gift giving". There is no easy way to do it, the last thing we would ever want to do is offend someone. In truth, I suppose you can say that we chickened out, I opted for an email/facebook post (welcome to 2016!); writing allows me the breathing room to ensure that I say what I intend to say, the best way possible.
What the reaction and follow through will be is yet to be determined, but there were some points that were important for us to address in this letter that I thought was worth sharing should you ever choose to write a letter or post of your own:
 |
| http://kaboompics.com/one_foto/1705 |
1) We acknowledged our generous family and friends as just that, generous and loving. We are blessed with a number of amazing people in our life and are grateful for their presence.
2) We updated them, if they didn't already know, in our shift of lifestyle towards minimalism and our pursuit of becoming a zero waste home.
3) We asked them to be a part of our success in this journey.
4) We offered them an "out" to start. No gifts, cards, NO GUILT. That we know that love is given and received without an exchanging of gifts.
5) We asked them in lieu of gifts, to give us their time if possible. That the next time we see them, we see them unplugged and involved in an activity that allows for memories to be made and bonds to be forged.
6) We suggested to them that if they would like to send us something, a letter (which can be recycled) would be appreciated, and we'd happily send one back. (I agree posting letters in the mail to be driven around the country/world is counter-intuitive as it requires a carbon footprint to do so; however, part of this process is balance, and for my family, letter writing the old-fashioned way is worth its weight.)
7) We proposed a gift option if they felt it was necessary, that we could live with. In lieu of gifts, we asked that our children be supported with their extracurricular activities which can be costly. We have the intention of emailing pictures of the children enjoying these activities to those who have monetarily supported them.
8) We noted that half the fun is opening up presents, and offered up a fun way to open up a gift of coins wrapped in recycled boxes/items, tape, glitter and wrapping paper... (While the mangled product may not be salvageable or recyclable, it's a way to encourage non-minimalists to think about gift giving in a different way. Perhaps next year we'll be brave and ask for zero-waste options).
9) We asked, as the adults of the home, to be left out of the occasion...as wine and beer bottles can be recycled however, we agreed that they would appreciated should the giver so choose.
10) We let them know the door was open to questions.(This was very important to us, as we are learning about this process we want to remain an open door to questions or comments, allowing us to adjust and adapt as the situation suits. We don't have all the answers, the more than we can leave our hearts and minds open, the more we are able to create an ease around our lifestyle.)
 |
| http://kaboompics.com/one_foto/1702/christmas-gifts-on-a-black-background-4 |
It can be difficult, respecting someone else's decisions when they run perpendicular to our own. It can feel uncomfortable. Make us questions whether or not what we are doing is in some way, "wrong". We want to stick out, to pave our own way...we also all want to be accepted for who we are...
We can hardly ask for acceptance though when we aren't willing to be truthful to ourselves and with those around us. We can hardly ask for understanding if we don't allow them an opportunity to prove they can be so.
We also know that at the end of the day, our own self acceptance must weigh more than that of others. If we know who we are then there is either, acceptance by others or, our own self worth steps in to filter and protect our hearts.
Our hope is that through respect, honesty and openness to others, in turn we might receive the same. So this year, be brave, be bold and have that conversation, write that letter or e-mail, ask for what it is that will bring you joy in this holiday season. At the end of the day, we control only our own actions and reactions...
love you!!
ReplyDeletelove ya back!!
Delete